Monday, May 23, 2005
US Senate to Revise Seating Arrangement
The Republican leadership in the Senate has announced it intends to use its "post-filibuster" majority power to revise the seating arrangement in the Senate chamber. "We're going to have all the Republican senators sit near the front," said a source in the Republican leadership. "That way, the people with actual power to legislate can talk to each other comfortably, and without shouting. And if they want to huddle on some issue, it'll be a lot easier."
The new seating plans also include upgrading the seats to make them bigger, with more cushioning, more lumbar support, and they'll even have beverage holders! But the larger seats will mean there'll no longer be room for all 100--the plans call for some 45 seats to be removed entirely. "There'll be bleachers in the back for the Democrats," the Republican source explained, "which actually makes sense because it'll help them see the action going on down front." The seating plan for thet Republican senators will be based upon seniority and leadership responsibilities, except when it comes to the four or five Republican moderates. "We're splitting those folks up," our source said, "so they can't pass notes."
"We finally figured out the formula for restoring civility in the Senate: comfy seats, and no dissent."
The new seating plans also include upgrading the seats to make them bigger, with more cushioning, more lumbar support, and they'll even have beverage holders! But the larger seats will mean there'll no longer be room for all 100--the plans call for some 45 seats to be removed entirely. "There'll be bleachers in the back for the Democrats," the Republican source explained, "which actually makes sense because it'll help them see the action going on down front." The seating plan for thet Republican senators will be based upon seniority and leadership responsibilities, except when it comes to the four or five Republican moderates. "We're splitting those folks up," our source said, "so they can't pass notes."
"We finally figured out the formula for restoring civility in the Senate: comfy seats, and no dissent."
